Comparisons are odious

The saying ‘comparisons are odious’ often is used to suggest that to compare two different things or persons is unhelpful or misleading.

For centuries, parents have been hated for comparing their kids with others. It is seen as a tradition which is been passing on from one generation to another and it never seems to stop. We have been deeply hurt by it, but still we do the same to our kids. Nowadays, education is seen as a matter of competition and in between this race kids forget to live the life they are supposed to and the competition is not only between the kids but also between the parents. We can’t blame the parents they want their kids to be the best in everything. It’s completely normal to encourage them to achieve all they can but what we really need to think is the method we use.

Kids face a sense of identity crisis. They are constantly told to be like someone else or to learn from them. The true identity of the child is lost and sometime never regained. There are many negative consequences on the child’s wellbeing and it can also affect your relationship with them.

What we need to first understand is that no two kids are the same, be it a younger or elder sibling or a neighbourhood kid. Each one of them unique in their talent, their abilities, their capabilities, their strengths etc., what we really do is to understand other’s kid rather than our own.

One of the major consequences you are going to face is a broken relationship with your child. They might feel that you don’t love them anymore; they slowly start to drift apart from you. They might even stop talking to you, spend time with you or even not have a smiling face around you.

Other negative effects may include stress and lower self-esteem; constantly pressurizing your kids may make them fall into a deep pit of stress and depression, they become anxious and insomniac. They feel like they are incapable of performing well or live up to the expectation of their parents. It lowers their self-worth; when they hear that they need to follow what other kids do, his confidence level lowers and this may also deteriorate their performance further. They might also distance themselves from any social situation with you and also build a carefree attitude towards everything; once their confidence level lowers, they feel like they won’t be able to do well enough in anything and so they don’t bother to try. They even suppress their talents; the pit of depression makes them lose interest in things they loved once in their life.

Each child is unique, special and one of a kind. Don’t let them live up to your expectation, let them be free and confident in life. If god wanted to create us to be like someone else, then why would he create us differently? We would be having the same face, the same sound and everything would be the same just like robots and that’s what kids are trying to be for their parents. They just don’t want to be hated.